Missing out is a feeling that we’ve all experienced. The pain of missing out is real, whether at a party, an opportunity, or a relationship. But what if I told you that you don’t have to miss out anymore?
Why do we sometimes feel like we are missing out on something in life? I believe the answer to that question comes down to identifying what we believe is the most critical thing to us. If we lack what we perceive as an essential element in our lives but see others around us who have it, we feel bereft and cheated.
All through my twenties and thirties, I saw my friends having fun with their soulmates and moving on to fulfilling lives with beautiful families while I was stuck in my singleness. I felt I was missing out. “I’m a loser,” I thought. “I don’t get to enjoy the richness of a life of two-ness.” Over time, I became desperate and fearful that I wouldn’t be able to catch up with my friends or — even worse — may never obtain what I wanted most: a soulmate and a family.
I was miserable because I was comparing my life with theirs and concentrating on all I lacked.
That’s the problem and why we often feel like we are missing out: God gives us what we need, which is not necessarily the same as what we want. We need to trust Him to understand the difference.
Another component of feeling like we are missing out on something occurs when we compare what we have with what others possess. Looking around, we might think, “It’s not fair! Jeff has a brilliant wife and two adorable kids.” Don’t waste your time comparing your life to the lives of others. Your life is different. Trust God to provide for you as He does for all His children.
What do you do if your dream of finding a soulmate does not come true?
You did everything right: prayed, went to counseling, read relationship books, put your best picture on an online dating platform, and even discovered your purpose as a single, yet you have not found a lasting relationship. You look around and see people who are getting married and having children. Do you believe you are missing out?
Even though it might seem like you are missing out on some of the good things of life during your singleness, this season provides you with ample gifts and rewards that more than make up for your perceived deficits. Consider the following reasons for rejoicing:
We all must trust God to show us His plan for our lives. Realize He is all-knowing, and His plan is perfect.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. — Romans 8:28
Even if you feel overlooked, remember God’s promise. Your Father in Heaven weaves together every detail of your life, including your dream to live in a romantic relationship. Following His plan will allow you to live the best life possible.
In the Book of Genesis, Abraham complained about missing out on an important part of life because he never had a son. When God finally granted him his son, Isaac, at age one hundred, the answer to Abraham’s prayers became his idol upon whom he lavished all his attention.
One day, God issued a command to Abraham: “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him” (Genesis 22:2).
In this way, God told Abraham that he must obey His will and serve Him no matter what he may want to do instead. When Abraham did as commanded, God was pleased.
If we focus exclusively on our dream of getting married, we will miss out on what God plans for us to do during our single season. But by trusting in His perfect plan for our life, we will reap the rewards He has in store.
We cannot instantly change our relationship status from “single” to “married.” Heaven knows we often may want to. And some of us have endured an extended single season, which can be very frustrating.
But in the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t matter because finding someone special is not the key to overcoming the fear of missing out. The only way to do that is to turn your back from the lack and toward the One who gives abundance.
If we put God first, we will not miss out.
It does not mean you’ll get the Ferrari, the beautiful house, the dream job, the magic encounter with your future soulmate, or other things you’ve requested in your prayers.
Jesus is saying: “Stop this comparison game that makes you desperate. Instead, focus on the relationship with your perfect Father in Heaven, who knows us better than we know ourselves.”
God is more interested in my relationship with Him than in whether or not I am going to marry one day. And when I intentionally strive to get closer to God through prayer and doing His work, He provides me with supernatural encounters with Him, the God of the Universe. That’s when He changes my heart, makes me forget FOMO, and helps me realize I am living my life to the fullest.
If I look at what I want and feel I am missing, I feel the lack, but when I keep my eyes fixed on God, I see His spiritual reality.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. — James 4:8
Being single in a world where everyone around you seems to be enjoying the great benefits of being in a relationship is no easy task and may make you feel like you’re missing out on the good things in life.
Be aware of cultivating the fear of missing out because letting it grow will only set you up to feel frustrated and make stupid decisions you may regret later.
Despite your feelings of frustration, dire perspectives, and failures and regrets that make you believe you’ve missed the boat, you are not missing out.
God has a great plan for you. He has not given up on you, nor has He turned His face from you. His promises still stand. When you put God first, you’ll never miss out.