Have you been feeling lonely lately? Many people think being single means being lonely, but that’s not always the case. There are plenty of ways to overcome loneliness and start living the life you want. Here are four ways to overcome loneliness and start living the life you want.
As I approached my thirties, I became lonelier…
Away from my childhood friends, I didn’t know how to meet new people because, in Switzerland, it’s almost impossible to get to know someone in a restaurant, café, bar, or even on the street when you’re alone. People go out with their friends and usually aren’t interested in meeting new people.
On my first weekend in the city, I now called home, I stayed in my apartment, not knowing what else to do. For what seemed like hours, I walked from my living room to my bedroom and then back again, hoping for inspiration. I watched a few videos on the internet. I even tried to read but didn’t get far because my loneliness distracted me.
One weekend alone became two…
…two became four,
…and four became dozens of weekends spent by myself and lonely.
I dreaded the questions at work on Monday morning: “David, how was your weekend? What did you do?”
I didn’t want to say, “I was alone, and it was horrible.”
What would they think about me?
Then I realized as a single, I had to learn how to spend time alone and enjoy it. In short, I decided if I wanted to live a fulfilled life, I needed to figure out how to overcome loneliness and find happiness regardless of my marital status.
Here’s how to overcome loneliness as a single person.
Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.— Pablo Picasso
Some knowledgeable people have appreciated the immense value of solitude.
Like Picasso, I realized that away from the busyness of community, our empathy replenishes, creative ideas surface, mental strength grows, and priorities become clear again. Suddenly we notice God’s gentle whisper, saying, “I am with you.”
To my surprise, I discovered I needed space to be alone and replenish my soul. I also found many fun ways to enjoy my solitude, such as reading, watching inspirational videos, and having private jam sessions on the piano.
I also developed the art of relaxation, which had been missing from my young adulthood.
I learned to no longer feel alone when spending time by myself. I changed my negative perception, comprehending that being alone didn’t mean I had to feel lonely.
Fast forward to today: I have completely overcome my fear of being alone.
However, I do understand I need to balance my alone time with the time I spend with others.
I’ve learned to strike a balance between spending time with others and time spent in solitude. Both are important, enjoyable parts of my life now.
Recently, I attended a party at my brother’s place, where I was reminded that I’m different.
Nobody mentioned it.
Nonetheless, almost everybody at the party was in a relationship, and most already had kids. This highlighted the truth: I was alone and didn’t fit in.
In moments like that, I struggle with this verse:
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” — Genesis 2:18
How does this Bible verse apply to me? Does it mean I am not complete as a single?
But, wait a minute, consider this verse:
Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel [which means, God with us]. — Matthew 1:23
With this statement, Jesus promised we are never truly alone. No matter what your social media relational status states — single, married, divorced, or whatever — God is with you. It became real when He sent His only beloved son Jesus to be with us on Earth.
You may ask, “Are you serious? Am I really never alone? Even now, when everybody has found their Mrs. or Mr. Betterhalf?”
The answer is, “Yes.”
God said that it wasn’t good for us to be alone. And then, in His grace, He provided a way we would never truly be alone. He made us a promise: God sent His son, Emmanuel, who is with us.
Let this idea sink in: through His son, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, God has provided constant companionship and assistance for all of us, regardless of our marital status.
God is our life-giver and foundation, and we depend on Him.
When we experience God’s closeness, we also are assured He cares. And that is when our fear of what’s lacking will disappear. We can rest easy, knowing that God will compensate us for anything missing in our lives.
As singles, this knowledge of God’s compensation can help us prepare for marriage.
No spouse — not even the best one we could ever imagine — can satisfy all our needs and give us what we need when we need it, night and day. Such expectations are not realistic and would put enormous pressure on him or her.
We will have much better marriages if we learn to go to God with our worries and rely on Him to provide us with whatever we may be missing. And your future spouse will appreciate that you did.
Also, knowing our Father cares about us makes us more relaxed. We will face many issues — big and small — as both single and married people. If we learn to rely upon God’s provision in any area of our lives, we can stop worrying because we know He will care for us all days of our lives.
Knowing God walks alongside us can give us the strength and courage we need to join a community that’s new to us. Sometimes, we need to be creative in finding one where we feel we belong.
I enjoy being part of a small church group. In that setting, I experience intimate moments in the presence of God and my peers. Often we begin these small group sessions by sharing a meal. I’ve had many encouraging, funny, exciting, and touching conversations at that dinner table.
We can find intimacy and closeness, no matter our relationship status: single, married, or divorced.
And when we understand that the quality and quantity of intimacy we experience do not depend on another person but rather on our relationship with God, we can relax.
We can overcome loneliness and find happiness in our single season by trusting in God.
Sounds like a good deal to me.