“Am I going to be alone all my life?”, “Will I ever find the one?” Do these thoughts sound familiar to you? If your answer is yes, do not worry, because I too, used to think the same way.
With the five simple tips that I’m going to share with you today, you too will realize that being single can be one of the most rewarding things you can ever experience. You’ll discover how you, too, can become a single with purpose.
It’s tempting to focus all your efforts on finding “the one.” You may be lonely or want to spend your life with someone special. This urge is very natural. However, it is easy to lose sight of what is essential during this process.
Don’t try to fill the gap you’re experiencing; instead, keep your gaze on Jesus. He is with you on this trip. By focusing on Jesus rather than finding your spouse as quickly as possible, you will enter a much bigger realm of life – a dimension of rich blessing.
All you who fear God, how blessed you are! How happily you walk on his smooth straight road! — Mark 1:35
Guess what happens when you make Jesus your priority? You will begin to resemble Him. The more time you spend with Him, the more you want to imitate His acts and efforts. Jesus will demonstrate what real love looks like. Make it a priority to get to know Him better by regularly spending time in His presence. If you live in Him, Jesus says you will do great things:
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. — John 15:5
If you’ve been single for a time, chances are you’ve grumbled. I’ve had times when I was quite frustrated because I hadn’t yet found my wife. Furthermore, I lost sight of many of the positive aspects of my existence. I started grumbling: “It’s not fair that I’m still unmarried!” Look, Jesus, I’ve been diligently serving you all these years. I have consistently attended Sunday services. And yet nothing occurs! I went first to seek your kingdom, yet I am still alone!”
It’s not right!
Is this anything you’ve thought of before?
Likewise, the apostle Paul had many reasons to complain. He was single and committed to moving forward with his dream project. He wrote: we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted and struck down (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). Because of his dream to plant churches, Paul spent many years of his life in prison.
He could have said, ”It is not fair! I am fed up with this hardship. I give everything I have, and the only reward I get is more pain!” Considering his context, his answer is intriguing:
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. — 1 Thessalonians 5:18
All circumstances include those dark times when you feel lonely. Give thanks. Paul adopted a lifestyle in which he would always give thanks to God the Father for everything (Ephesians 5:20).
One night, in prison with his companion Silas, they started to sing hymns. Instead of complaining about how badly the Philippians treated them, they gave thanks to God. Their perspectives changed completely, and miracles happened that very night in prison. The earth shook, the prison gates sprung wide open, and finally, the prison guard and his family accepted Jesus. And this was all due to a decision to give thanks.
God is with you and wants to know how you are feeling. There is nothing wrong with being irritated, upset, discouraged, or disillusioned. What matters is what you do about it. Paul shared it. He, too, was terrified at times. He was human, just like you and me. Paul felt terrified when at Corinth. The Lord appeared to him in a dream during the night.
Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent, for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you. — Acts 18:9-10
Even Jesus, the son of God, did not hold back His feelings before dying on the cross. Alone in the garden, he poured out His heart to God. He told his disciples that His soul was very sorrowful, even to death (cf. Matthew 26:38). Jesus went three times to pray. God is not afraid of our innermost thoughts and feelings. He is interested in every single detail of our lives. So, share your deepest fears with Him. Paul told us exactly how to do it.
In everything, we should do it. “Everything” includes your single life as well. When you share it with God with an attitude of gratefulness, you will receive a peace that exceeds your wildest imagination.
As Christians, we recognize the existence of a spiritual world. What we see is only a tiny fraction of the whole picture. When you are lonely, you tend to focus on what you see. On the other hand, God is working on our behalf as we pray. And this isn’t always obvious.
The Bible contains various unseen promises. We must think they will come true.
For we walk by faith, not by sight. — 2 Corinthians 5:7
Joshua, the new leader of the Hebrews and successor of Moses, saw the walls of Jericho, the fortified city. He held on to his faith. God promised he would be successful if he did not depart from the law. “But they are strong, better skilled than we!” he could have said. He held on to God’s promise that He would deliver their enemies into their hands.
God promised Joshua that he would make a way across the Jordan River. The reality in which the Israelites found themselves looked utterly different. Everybody could easily notice the effects of the rainy season. The river before their eyes was carrying much water. It was seemingly impossible to cross it.
That is what Joshua saw. But he believed that God could make a way.
When I think there is no hope anymore, I proclaim that God still is in control. When I do not see how God can provide, it reminds me that everything is possible with God.
God has so much more in store for you than you can imagine. He wants to bless you in multiple ways. Hold on to His promises.
We live by faith, not sight. This indicates that instead of focusing on your impossibilities, you should focus on God’s promises. Speak the truth about your life. When I am lonely, I tell myself I am not alone because God is with me. When I believe there is no hope left, I remind myself that God is still in control. When I don’t see how God can provide, it reminds me that with God, anything is possible.
God has far greater plans for you than you can fathom. He wants to bless you in a variety of ways. Keep His promises in mind.
I was on a mission trip to Cambodia a few years ago. The physical labor was arduous in the scorching sun. We would then spend quality time with the staff in the evenings, and occasionally we would continue our talks over a drink until late at night. Getting up early the next morning for another long day of work was difficult. The mission trip was far from restful. But when I returned home, I was overjoyed. The relationships we had inside the team and with Cambodians were rich.
Take a look at this. I spent many vacations resting at the beach or snowboarding in the lovely Swiss Alps. Nonetheless, I saw something odd. I returned home, calm yet unsatisfied. The peaceful getaways were enjoyable for me. Without a question. The mission trip, on the other hand, was far more rewarding, and my recollections were more vivid. Even after more than two years, it feels like it occurred yesterday.
You probably have heard this quote, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” I can tell you that it is true. Why? Because God wired us in this way. It’s a godly principle. The one who sows will reap. The one who will sow abundantly will reap abundantly.
I came home fulfilled from Cambodia because I was serving. When you start serving, you make a pivot from yourself to others. You stop focusing on your own needs. You will live for a higher purpose. It’s a noble cause to serve the people around you. If you do it, you will be in good company. The Son of Man (himself) did not come to be served, but to serve. (Matthew 20:28, italics mine). For that reason, we can constantly find ways to bless others.
Put these five steps into practice today, and you will see that you will become a single with purpose.